Here are a few resources for Polyamory or as Serena Anderlini D’Onofrio prefers to call it “Amourous Inclusivity” that I want all of my lovers and beloveds to have access to:
My own Podcast on Polyamory as a Spiritual Path: http://sextalkradionetwork.com/2010/07/28/living-love-revolution-–-polyamory-as-a-spiritual-path/
Joy Brook Fairfield’s Polytheory and Rhizomatic Intimacy Essay: http://ecosexconvergence.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/PolyTheoryManifesto.pdf
A recent article “Against” Polynormativity that is sure to be food for thought in your polycule: http://sexgeek.wordpress.com/2013/01/24/theproblemwithpolynormativity/
Allena Gabosch 20 Poly Guidelines from her workshop “The Good the Bad and the Poly”
SOME OF OUR PRINCIPLES WE TRY TO LIVE AND RELATE BY:
1. No surprises are allowed –
(Except surprise parties and scenes and gifts and cards and that kind of fun stuff).
2.Make clear agreements on what each person is supposed to do.
3.Each person should be clear about their intentions.
4.Each person should be clear about their expectations of the other.
5.No secrets or secret agendas are allowed.
6.Find ways to be genuinely supportive and uplifting toward one another, especially when times are tough.
7.Keep a sense of humor when working out differences of opinion.
8.If one loses their sense of humor, the other should be forgiving.
9.If one gets out of line, the other should be firm but forgiving, and the one out of line should acknowledge the infraction when it is pointed out.
10.Nagging is only allowed if done with humor and goodwill.
11.Never complain to a third party in place of dealing with the primary person directly.
12.When disagreeing, both sides must listen to the other intently.
13.When disagreeing, interruptions, raised voices, angry movements and demeaning language are never appropriate and must be apologized for when they are pointed out.
14.Apologies for interruptions, raised voices, angry movements and demeaning language during disagreements must be accepted.
15.When disagreeing, neither person is allowed to say “I already told you such and such” – they have to patiently repeat themselves.
16.When disagreeing, neither person is allowed to accuse the other of starting the argument or creating the disagreement.
17.If one has bad feelings about the other during or after a disagreement they are not allowed to blame the other for these bad feelings.
18.Past disagreements are not valid issues during a current disagreement – no “generalizing” and no “bringing up the past” is allowed.
19.Short breaks from arguments are allowed but when possible disputes should be resolved on the same day they begin.
20.If a departure is necessary during a disagreement it must be cordial and considerate.
Allena Gabosch and Steve Gabosch 1997 Ladysun333@comcast.net